


Why is it so cold on Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr! (Alternately: Family Christmases at Wayne manor are insane)

by what_if



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Gen, Murder Mystery, My First Fanfic, Pre-New 52, Rooftop Tag, Tags Are Hard, Timeline What Timeline, bats being brats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_if/pseuds/what_if
Summary: It's nearing Christmas, the entire batfamily is in town, and there's a murderer on the loose. All par for the course: complete chaos.





	

Five Days before Christmas  


It’s cold, but not bitingly so. Even so Nightwing is rubbing his hands together for some semblance of warmth as he crouches on the edge of the rooftop from which he is keeping watch. Hearing footsteps behind him, he tenses.  


‘Nightwing.’  


‘Red Hood.’  


Neither of the men’s tones are overly hostile, but there is a definite wariness to the Red Hood’s posture as he walks across the roof to stand next to Nightwing.  


‘Didn’t think you’d come.’  


Nightwing shrugs. ‘You did say you needed help, and all the others are busy, what with Freeze being out of Arkham.’  


‘Who else is in town?’  


‘Everyone; you, me, Bats, Robin, Batgirl, Black Bat arrived yesterday, Red Robin’s coming over from San Fran tomorrow and of course Oracle and Agent A are here.’  


‘Of course. I think Gotham would probably explode if those two left.’  


‘You are coming, aren’t you. You have been getting my messages?’  


‘You mean the notes that turn up with stalker-ish intensity and regularity?’ Hood asked, taking off his helmet and lighting a cigarette. ‘Yeah, I’ve been getting them.’  


‘And…? You coming?’  


An explosion ripped apart the street below them. Red Hood cursed, stuffed his helmet back on and leapt off the building after Nightwing. Nightwing was already on the ground, escrima sticks out, fighting the mob of Jokerz that was pouring out from the ruined building. Red Hood landed next to him, shooting one of the Jokerz on the way down in the head. The Jokerz collapsed, but no spray of blood came from the wound. Nightwing looked at Hood, who shrugged.  


‘Rubber bullets,’ he offered as a way of explanation.  


Nightwing nodded, and the two of them turned back to the mob. Nightwing danced through with his usual flips and kicks, using the bodies, whether conscious or not, as springboards, launching him from one to the next. Hood, while less flashy, was no less efficient, and around the two of them bodies dropped quickly. Finally when all was quiet Hood looked at Nightwing, who was peering into the warehouse.  


‘Yeah, I’ll come.’  


Nightwing jumped around, grinning, then hugged Red Hood.  


‘Yes! That’s everyone! Thanks Jaybird.’  


‘Goldie.’  


‘Yeah?’  


‘Get the fuck off me.’  


Nightwing laughed, tightened his grip for an instant, and then swung off, leaving Hood alone with the pile of Jokerz.

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Four Days Before Christmas  


High above the city perched on a gargoyle the protector knelt. A secret protect, one whose name, whose true identity the city would never know. He sat and waited, listening to the city below him, whose lights and people merged into a single being from this high up. But this protector was ready and waiting, for his time to-  


‘Hey, Robin. What are you doing?’  


‘If you must know, Nightwing, I was looking at the city and ruminating on my part in and of it.’  


‘Well come and ruminate somewhere else,’ a second voice broke in. ‘Goldie and I got a lead on Freeze, and there’s a whole load of goons just waiting for us.’  


‘As I suppose that you would be entirely incapable of handling them alone, Todd, I suppose that I shall have to come and aid you.’  


‘Why you little-’  


‘Come on, Hood, he doesn’t really mean it.’  


‘Speak for yourself, Nightwing, I did mean it’  


‘Sure, Sure. I-’  


A third voice broke in on the conversation. ‘Robin. With me.’  


‘Coming Batman.’  


Robin landed beside his partner as the Dark Knight was passing an instrument over some frozen ground. He looked at Robin.  


‘Tell me what you think happened.’  


Robin looked at the men, frozen in various cowering positions. ‘I think that Freeze came upon them and used his usual mode of extinguishing life to end theirs. Why, what do you think happened?’  


‘Not that. The men here are all wanted men. Freeze usually goes after those who could help him get his wife back, not mindless thugs.’  


‘These are the Penguin’s men, aren’t they?’  


‘Yes. What does that tell you?’  


‘That we need to meet a certain bird. And not one of the so-called family.’

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Three Days Before Christmas  


‘No I’m telling you, Cass, that will not support your weight.’  


‘Will.’  


‘No, will not. Steph, help me out here.’  


‘No can do. I’ve learnt that if Cass thinks she can do something, then she can do it.’  


‘See Tim? Trust.’  


‘I wouldn’t worry, Tim’ Barbara said as she rolled into the room. ‘I’ve seen Cass on more precarious perches.’  


‘Yeah, but one that’s already covered in glass ornaments and fairy lights?’  


Both looked at the tree, beautifully decorated and shimmering slightly in the firelight as the glass ornaments caught, spun and reflected the light.  


‘She’ll be fine.’  


‘Yeah, I mean, look at her now.’ Steph said, pointing to where Cass was.  


Tim and Barbara turned to see Cass balancing near the top of the Wayne Manor Christmas tree, a glass angel in her hand and a look of extreme concentration on her face as she slowly lowered the angel onto the top of the tree. Tim buried his face in his hands as Steph whooped.  


‘You go girl.’  


Cass easily backflipped off the top of the tree, leaving the angel perfectly balanced at the top. Landing she grinned, then went over and poked Tim hard in the chest.  


‘Ha.’  


‘Yes, very cool, Cass, you win.’  


‘Now baubles.’  


Steph grinned. ‘Bet I can put more on than both of you.’  


‘Can not.’  


‘Can too.’  


Tim groaned. ‘Why did I volunteer for this again?’  


Barbara laughed, looking at the intensive decorating fight that was currently going on between the girls. ‘No clue, Tim, absolutely no clue.’

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Two Days Before Christmas  


‘Tag, you’re it.’ Cass laughed as she swung away, leaving a slightly irate Batgirl on the roof.  


Batgirl turned, saw her next target and leapt onto the next building, colliding with Red Hood, and swung off again, leaving a cry of ‘Tag’ behind her.  


Red Hood pursued her, but stopped before too long. Raising a hand to his ear he said ‘Red Robin, emergency, house on corner of fourth and twentieth.’  
,p>‘Red Robin to Red Hood, coming, what is the emergency?’ Red Hood made a few choked noises, then subsided, pulling the ear piece out. He walked over to the side which he thought Red Robin would approach from, then lay still. As Red Robin glided over the edge of the roof, Red Hood jumped up and struck, grabbing his legs, yelling ‘Tag’ before jumping off the edge of the building, leaving a smoke bomb behind him for good measure.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

The Night Before Christmas  


Gotham city. Evening of the 24th of December, and the frost was settling and penetrating into the buildings. From the black clouds ice-hard chips of snow were falling, buffeted which way by the winds, which themselves were curled and funnelled by the skyscrapers, creating odd effects and strange noises, none of which the late rush hour commuters noticed, so wrapped up in their own thoughts as they were. All were wrapped up, swaddled in layer upon layer of clothing, looking less like human beings than the contents of full washing baskets which had suddenly grown arms and legs, but these would surely have had the sense to stay indoors out of the cold that was settling across the entire city, permeating into everything, with frost decorating the windows, not noticing whether they were the old cracking windows of Gotham’s cathedral or the ill-lit, dirty ones of the clubs downtown. But this frost was Gotham’s decoration, spindly ferns across the window-panes while people looked out and wondered how long they would have to wait until they would finally feel warm enough to brave the cold.  


Any of the commuters down below would be looking down, hunched over and conserving heat, shielding their face from the bitter flakes of snow, which threw themselves into eyes, noses and mouths with a malicious joy and accuracy. But for those running up above, jumping over streets and flipping over rooftops, it was not so much the snow as the winds that were pushing them off-balance. No usual commuter could hear what they were saying, not as the winds took their words and scattered them, losing their breath amongst the snow, but many would be reassured seeing them, knowing that they would be protected from physical threats while they themselves grappled with the cold. Not that these figures knew this.  


‘Fuck it all, Nightwing. There is no way I’m staying out here any longer. I wouldn’t be surprised if my toes have fallen off.’  


The speaker, the youngest and smallest of the three had delivered these words to the leader, a young man in black and blue, but it was the other who replied:  


‘Yeah right, you think I want to be here with you lot? Just ‘cause Bats asked for a favour does not mean that I suddenly going to obey his every fucking command.’  


‘Who asked you, Hood?’  


‘Shut your face, Replacement.’  


While the others bickered, Nightwing crouched at the edge of the roof, pulling a strange instrument out of his pocket. Almost losing his balance on the ice at the side of the roof, he quickly recovered and slowly swung the instrument in an arc, facing it towards the houses opposite. The instrument did not react, and Nightwing frowned, standing up and stretching, before looking at the two behind him, who had moved on from arguing and now seemed to be plotting something. Refraining, with great restraint, from rolling his eyes he surreptitiously raised a hand to his ear and asked ‘O’ what they were talking about.  


‘How to get back at B for them losing digits to the cold. Hood suggested filling his bed with ice cubes, but Red Robin thinks that the better idea is filling his boots with ice.’  


‘They’re both going to get killed, aren’t they’ Nightwing said, chuckling quietly.  


‘Maybe’  


‘Any news on the whereabouts of Freeze?’  


‘None whatsoever’ Oracle sighed down the line. ‘I don’t know how B knows it’s him. While he is out of Arkham, I don’t’ see how he could pull anything off on this scale. We could just be having a cold snap.’  


‘Yeah, B’s a paranoid bastard. He’s still in the cave training Robin, isn’t he?’  


‘Yes along with me. Batgirl and Black Bat are upstairs as Batgirl insisted that it was absolutely necessary for them to watch Home Alone’ Oracle snickered. ‘Black Bat’s reluctance to see it for the fifth time running was rather amusing’  


‘Damn you people in the warmth’  


‘Love you too, Former Boy Wonder, Oracle out’  


As Nightwing turned, looking towards Gotham Bay something caught his eye. He squinted, brought a hand up to his face, shielding his eyes, and then turned, sprinted at the other two, neither of whom had seen what Nightwing had, and rugby tackled the pair of them off the building.  


‘Damnit Nightwing-’  


‘What the fu-’  


Was as far as the others got before a blinding white light erupted from where they had been standing at the top of the building. Standing gingerly up, Red Robin shot his grappling gun at the gargoyle hanging off the roof and swung up to the top, where he had to quickly move to avoid the huge icicle spikes that had shot up.  


‘Hood, Nightwing, come and have a look at this.’  


On the roof a field of icicles, standing straight up in shards as high as a man, had grown from the bomb. Hood whistled.  


‘Guess there’s some truth in Bat’s Mr. Freeze theory. His arsenal has certainly grown.’  


‘Yeah, looks more like some of Killer Frost’s than Mr Freeze’s.’  


‘Possibly. Have they ever worked together?’ Red Robin replied, tapping urgently at his small computer embedded in the arm of his costume. ‘But look at this-the missile came from the middle of Gotham Bay, where some of the coldest temperature spikes have been. B and I disregarded it as a hideout, as we couldn’t see where Mr. Freeze would be staying, but now, factoring in the missiles’ trajectory…Got it! Nightwing do you know where the BatSub’s kept?’  


‘Give me a minute, Oracle…?’  


‘Yes I know where it is. I’ll send it to Bay 15 underneath the Main Bridge.’  


‘We’ll be there then, Nightwing out.’  


Nightwing looked at the other two; ‘Bay 15 underneath the bridge.’  


‘Race you there’ Hood called over his shoulder at the other two, as he jumped of the building. Exchanging smirks, they followed, shouting that it was not fair that he got a head start, and that Red Robin was not an acrobatic freak of nature like some around here, so shouldn’t he get the head start anyway?  


Fifteen minutes and various arguments later the trio arrived at Bay 15, to find absolutely nothing there.  


Hood looked at Nightwing ‘Are you sure this is where O said the sub would be?’  


‘Quite sure’  


‘Oh really? Only ‘quite sure’? Goodness is our ever vigilant and brilliant Nightwing not entirely sure? Shock! Horror!’ Two girls swung out of the struts supporting the bridge, the one in a purple costume mocking Nightwing.  


‘Batgirl, Black Bat. Why did you two come?’  


‘Oracle wanted us…out the house. Was bored’ Black Bat said.  


‘How can you be bored while watching Home Alone?’ Nightwing asked, teasing her.  


‘Very easy. Watch too many…times’  


Hood snorted. ‘Fair enough. Has B introduced you to A Christmas Story yet?’  


‘No?’  


‘One of my most traumatic experiences as Robin…being forced to watch that continuously over the Christmas holidays as B refused to let me out on patrol’  


‘One of your most traumatic experiences as Robin? Oh you poor thing’ Batgirl mocked him.  


‘Other than being beaten to death by crowbar…’  


‘Stop, Hood. Cannot be...bothered to hear again. Stop…moaning. Can we…go yet?’  


‘Black Bat’s right. Shall we head?’ Nightwing said. ‘Red Robin, which way do we need to go?’  


‘Straight out into the bay. I’ll drive shall I?’ Red Robin said before he jumped into the newly emerged Batsub.  


When they were all on board the Batsub took off, heading steadily deeper into the brown waters of Gotham bay. Despite not being able to see more than an inch in front of the sub, and relying only on the instruments inside, Red Robin was able to guide it easily through the bay, while ignoring the others’ bickering.  


Suddenly the sub stopped.  


‘Red Robin…?’  


‘Not me’ he snapped back, trying all the switches in front of him as fast as he could.  


The sub started tilting, with the nose being dragged up by something, until nearly vertical, then smashed down so the floor bulged up over the huge pillar of ice they were being pummelled against.  


‘Everyone, masks’ Nightwing shouted as he pulled a mask full of air over his mouth and nose. ‘Red Robin open the hatch doors.’  


The sub collapsed in a shower of ice shards, breaking apart as the five figures swam desperately away from it. Stopping some twenty meters away, they managed to regroup through the murk. Noticing Batgirl’s agitation, Nightwing signed to her, asking what the matter was. She signed back, but only ‘Follow me’, as she dived back towards the wreck.  


Passing through the wreck and towards the ice, she ran her hand along the side of the iceberg, stopped, turned back, ran her hand over it again, gestured wildly to the rest of the bats and birds, then turned and swam into the iceberg along a small crevice in the ice. Hood and Black Bat dove straight in after her, and Nightwing and Red Robin could do nothing but follow.  


Their heads broke the surface very soon into the tunnel as it widened out into a cavern. Looking about they could see huge instruments, which were pumping out the snow and the winds that covered Gotham.  


‘Hey look at this,’ Hood called. ‘There’s a pile of those missiles he sent at us.’  


‘How the hell did we miss this place?’  


‘I don’t know, Batgirl. B and I spent ages trawling over the data, I don’t see how we could have missed this,’ Red Robin said, again tapping at his computer.  


‘Oracle? Nightwing to Oracle? Do you read me?’  


‘………’  


‘Oracle’s not responding’  


‘Oh shit.’  


Everyone turned to look at Batgirl.  


‘What?’  


‘B and Oracle are going to kill us. We not only wrecked the Batsub but also our coms?’  


Hood snorted. ‘Damn and I thought something was actually going wrong.’  


‘You mean it hasn’t?’ A new voice came from the door. ‘I think that finding several vigilante children in bat costumes in my new home is cause enough to be annoyed.’  


‘Freeze!’  


‘No that’s what I was going to tell you to do.’  


Nightwing looked sheepish. ‘Uh, actually I was saying your name, but we’ll go with the other one. Freeze, Freeze!’  


‘Oh my God, Nightwing, that’s appalling’  


‘Batgirl’s right, that was piss poor.’  


‘Thank you, Hoodie.’  


‘No problem blondie.’  


‘All of you shut up and listen to-urgh’  


‘Nice kick, Black Bat.’  


‘He was…not being quiet.’  


‘Yep agreed. Not taking him to the police station.’  


‘Not it.’  


‘Not it.’  


‘Not it.’  


‘Huh?’ Red Robin, looking up from his work on the various scientific instruments, looked at the grinning faces of his supposed allies, and groaned.  


‘I hate you all.’  


Sometime later Alfred opened the door to all five of them, freezing, sopping wet and laughing.  


‘Hey Alfred.’  
‘Hi Alfie.’  


‘Hello, Master Dick, Miss Brown.’  


‘Hey Alfred, I’m freezing.’  


‘Where’s Bruce and Damian?’  


‘Why are you asking about the Batbrat?’  


‘Merry Christmas.’  


‘Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas.’  


‘Merry Christmas to all of you, also. Now please go down to the cave and shower and change.’  


‘Can we open presents then?’  


‘Not yet, Master Dick, wait until the morning.’  


‘But technically it is the morning…’  


‘Not until you have slept, then. But it is good to see you, Master Jason.’  


‘And you, Alfie. Race you lot to the showers.’  


‘Hey, Jason, that’s not fair’  


‘Just because you’re slow, Brown’  


‘Am winning…losers’  


‘Cass!’  


Alfred smiled.  


‘Merry Christmas indeed’

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Christmas Morning  


‘Damian, wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up!’  


‘Grayson, what are you doing bouncing on my bed?’  


‘It’s Christmas morning, and it’s eight o’clock and you’re not up yet.’  


‘Why didn’t Gordon stop you from this childishness and keep you in bed?’  


‘Because he is right,’ Barbara said as she wheeled herself into his room. ‘It is Christmas, and you do need to be up for us to wake up Bruce so we can open the presents. Also what do you mean keep him in bed?’  


‘What do you think?’  


Dick, tired of Damian’s refusal to get up, rolled his eyes and stripped the duvet off his bed.  


‘Grayson!’ Damian grabbed the edge of his blanket and held on tight, trying to keep some of it for himself. Dick simply leant forwards and picked him up, put him over his shoulder and walked out into the corridor where the rest of them were waiting.  


‘Finally,’ Steph said, rolling her eyes. ‘Couldn’t you have got up a bit earlier?’  


‘Some of us do like to stay in bed more than others, Brown,’ Jason said.  


‘Yeah, but not on Christmas.’  


‘Eh, fair enough. Timbo looks dead to the world, though.’  


‘No coffee yet.’ Cass said, hopping impatiently from foot to foot. ‘Let’s go.’  


The seven of them trooped, were dragged and rolled into the master bedroom. A small Christmas tree was set up there. Not as beautiful as the massive one in the hall, but rather more homely, as it was set up by the Waynes for themselves, while the other was for show and for the party they were forced to throw on Boxing Day; ‘To keep up appearances’ as Bruce said. The tree was decorated with home-made baubles and some more interesting shop-bought ornaments than those in the hall, including an Abbey Road sign from London that Steph had brought back for a joke once. But the tree itself was almost obscured by the piles of presents under it and the table laden with breakfast. Alfred came in quietly behind them carrying a coffee pot and a teapot. Tim made a small humming sound and dove for the coffee, only re-emerging once he had inhaled a mug of it.  


‘Everyone ready?’  


‘Yes, just hurry up, Dick.’  


‘All right then, all together, one two three...’  


On three the seven younger people in the room broke into a horribly mangled and off key version of ‘God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen’, while Dick, Cass and Steph launched themselves and Damian at the bed and started bouncing, Dick holding onto Damian the entire time.  


‘Get dressed ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay,  
For it is Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas day,  
For it is Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas day,  
For it is Chri-i-i-i-i-istmas day chri-istmas day ,  
It is Chri-i-i-‘

‘Ok you lot shut up,’ a vaguely amused Bruce said, emerging from the pillows. ‘I’m up, I’m up.’  


‘Presents?’  


‘Go ahead, if you’ll leave me in peace.’  


‘But Bru-uce, you need to get up. It’s Christmas!’  


‘Yes, thank you Dick, I got that.’  


‘Oh do you want us to remind you again?’  


‘Thank you Stephanie, but I don’t need any more reminding, I prefer my hearing to stay functional, despite your best efforts.’  


‘Hey, Bruce, thanks for these.’  


‘What? Oh, no problem, Tim.’  


‘Hey, Dickie-bird, cheers, I needed more smoke bullets.’  


‘That’s fine Jay, Cass, thanks for the hat.’ Dick pulled on the bright orange hat, where it clashed horribly with his red pyjamas.  


‘Is ok…thanks for iPod.’  


‘No problem-o. Hey, Dami, come over here and open your presents.’  


‘I’m fine here thank you, Grayson.’  


‘Aww, the Batbrat’s sulking. Isn’t he cute.’  


‘I am not sulking, fatgirl, and nor can I be considered cute.’  


Bruce Wayne smiled, leaning back on his pillows, and allowing the sound of his children to wash over him. Of course, only up until…  


‘Bruce you can’t go to sleep, it’s Christmas!’  


‘Bruce, tell the brat not to swing his bloody sword around.’  


‘Who the hell bought Damian a sword?’  


‘Tim, you’re using all the wifi.’  


‘Alfred, please tell Jason not to drink all the tea.’  


‘Barbara, are you ok?’  


‘Tell your younger siblings to not try to hide behind you in order to get away from me, as I can see that they ar-’  


‘Grayson, Gordon, get a room.’  


‘Oh shut it Damian, it’s sweet.’  


‘Is sickening.’  


‘Siding with Cass over here.’  


‘If I may say, Master Bruce,’ Alfred said quietly, ‘I think that we are very lucky to have them all here.’  


‘I agree, Alfred, I certainly agree.’


End file.
